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On Pleasure and Pain

I am a martial artist and black belt in aikido, a practice that continues to teach me about life, both on and off the mat. For example, at the end of each aikido practice, I express gratitude to my partners by bowing and saying: "Thank you very much." I've found over the years that sometimes I have obvious reasons to say thank you - working with that person was exhilarating and fun. However, sometimes the reasons are not so obvious - my partner was stiff, rough, unconscious, or generally difficult to work with.

Still, I say thank you, because we're supposed to. Over the years, because I like to be congruent, I have learned to look for something to be grateful for. With my stiff partner, I find I have learned to be more flexible. With the rough opponent, I learned to take care of myself by speaking up or falling more carefully. In each case, I look for the gift. It's become fun to do this, and fun to apply this learning off the mat as well.

How might you incorporate this simple but effective practice in your daily life? Who are your attackers, and where are the unexpected gifts? After an encounter with the pokey driver ahead, if you had to say, "Thank you very much," what would you see as the gift? With a dismissive coworker or boss, if you had to look for the gift, what would it be? In each "difficult" relationship, where's the gift?

There are certain times of the year when we are more aware of being grateful for all of our blessings. My hope is that you might be grateful all year round, and not only for the obvious gifts but for the unexpected ones as well. Wishing you many of both kinds . . .

Judy Ringer

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help organizations manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a positive work environment.

The author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, Ringer provides training throughout the U.S. and Canada with unique workshops based on mind/body principles from the martial art aikido, in which she holds a black belt. In addition, she uses her expertise in several best practice communication models to bring to life key concepts such as self-management under pressure and appreciation of other viewpoints. Her programs are interactive, experiential and energetic.

Clients include Maine Medical Center, The National Institutes of Health, BAE Systems, Sony Corporation, Honda of America Manufacturing, Bose Corporation, Maine General Health, The American Red Cross, The National Education Association, and the States of New Hampshire and Vermont.

She has written numerous articles on the relevance and application of the aikido metaphor to conflict and communication, including articles for Aikido Today Magazine and The Systems Thinker. She is the author of two newsletters, including the award-winning Ki Moments, and the book, Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict.

Ringer is also chief instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH. She can be reached at judy@judyringer.com.